My 10 Most Surreal Mummy Moments

I haven't been a mummy for that long (nearly 8 months) but, inspired by the 'Best of British Mummy Bloggers' carnival over at Wives and Daughters, I've decided to record my 10 most surreal Mummy moments!

1. Day two of motherhood. The hormonal meltdown. I'm strong, I wasn't prepared for the hormonal rush just a couple of days after giving birth. At one point I found myself curled up in a ball both crying with despair (from feeling helpless and useless) and laughing (at the ridiculousness and joyfulness) at the same time.


2. Day three of motherhood. Lying on a hospital bed, legs akimbo, at the Birth Centre with a midwife oggling my bits and examining my rather painful haemorrhoids only to hear her exclaim “Oh my! I've never seen anything like it. It's as big as a golf ball!” I sooooo knew she wanted to call in her colleagues to enjoy the show.


3. Week three of motherhood. Sharing the tales of episiotomy, piles, constipation and vaginal infection with my mother and her best friend. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Grandmas are supposed to be there to share the highlights of a baby's life... not to gossip about the mother's gynaecological mishaps.


4. Week four. Answering the front door to the postman with baby Lara still latched on to my boob! He didn't seem fazed at all. I've never done it since, mainly because Lara became a nosey little girl very early on and was liable to look up and leave my boob hanging out for all visitors to see!


5. Month three. Sitting on an aeroplane (a broken one, on a runway, not going anywhere) for several hours in a seat that wasn't big enough for an average sized adult, let alone one carrying a three-month old baby. Trying to breastfeed Lara from full-to-bursting boobs without spraying milk on the complete stranger sitting next to me, or prodding them in the ribs with my elbows or flailing baby-limbs.


6. Month four. Discovering that my head-banging skills make Lara squeal with glee every time! I'm hoping the comedy value never wears off because I LOVE to see her giggle.


7. Month five. Our first full night away from the munchkin. Sitting in the audience of an Eddie Izzard gig in Brighton watching another Mummy breastfeeding her baby of a similar age to Lara. I was unable to keep my eyes of them and paid little attention to the show. It made me realise that I missed Lara an awful lot that night.


8. Month six. A 'Girls Night Out' with the NCT ladies. The surreal thing here being that the last time I went out for an evening of any sort with a group comprising solely of females was a Take That concert when I was just 15! Even my hen night was more guys than girls. It felt weird being out with the ladies... but it felt good. Much white wine was consumed and an awful lot of rubbish dancing was done. I felt like a different person.
photo by Sile Hickey

9. Month six. Showing off Lara's new found swimming skills at Coral Reef Waterworld. Merrily pootling around the pool, giving Lara a piggy-back when a crazy alarm sounded. A woman near me asked, "do you know what that sound means?", "err... nope" I replied. Seconds later, a huuuuuuge water cannon burst out of the 'volcano' and blasted Lara in the face, splattering her right off my back. Lara seemed to think it was a lot of fun at the time but I suspect it may have scarred her for life as she now screams every time we have to do piggy-backs at Aquatots.


10. Month eight. The day that Daddy took Lara for her swine flu jab. It was a case of role reversal. After 7 months of maternity leave with Mr. B at work and me at home looking after the munchkin, this was the first time that he had taken some time off work to care for Lara, leaving me working in the office. After I'd got over the weirdness of it all, I relaxed and realised that things were going to be a lot more equal now between me and Mr. B.

So there, I hope you enjoyed a laugh at my expense! I'm sure there will be plenty of more surreal moments over the coming years.